To Have and to Hold
 
Something has been bothering me lately.  This is something that I want to feel guilty for, but it I’m not sure that I can or that I should.
 
I know that my wife would do anything for me.   She would follow me to any corner of the earth for any stupid idea I came up with, and she would endure all kinds of heartache for my sake.  I see that she finds identity in me and through me, and she conforms to my requests in order to fulfill that.  I recognize the influence I have over her, and it is hard to accept.
 
On the other hand, and this is what gets me; I would do what I felt my wife needed me to do…not anything she asked me to do.  I would not follow her to any obscure place and I would not endure things that I didn’t feel she needed me to endure.  I don’t conform to her requests (she has few), and I notice that she has far less external or overt influence over me than I over her. 
 
I think this is Biblical and logical.  I lead.  She follows.  I set the course.  She helps fulfill the destiny.  It makes perfect sense.  But, when I think of it in terms of the death of one of us, I begin to see the differences between men and women come out. 
 
I see women who die, who have a hard time remarrying.  Their identity was through their husband and although he passed away his identity lives on inside of them.  She still feels like Bob’s wife or John’s wife.  Men react differently.  They see their helpmeet leave, and they need another helpmeet.  Usually, they get another helpmeet quickly…almost practically. 
 
I’m not sure that the essence of what I’m trying to communicate is coming across.  I feel like my wife holds the idea of me as her husband more sacred than I hold the idea of her as my wife.  I’m dedicated to her.  I love her with my whole heart, and I would mourn for her daily if she every passed on.  But, on another level, the role of helpmeet needs to be fulfilled in my life by someone, and I’d need to find someone willing to fulfill it.